Do you think if The Rock were my site’s celebrity endorsement he would say “Finallllly The Giro has COME BACK to the blogosphere!” or would he just tell me to shut up and pay him? Sorry it’s been forever since I last wrote a column, but that damn mini-Giro culminated with the disappearance of the 2006 Boston Red Sox has me wandering around the desert of my fandom with a strange Indian, Jim Morrison and Rip Torn wondering where it all went wrong and contemplating the mixed emotions I have. Instead of trying to make clarity of it all I’m going to just toss it out there.
Manny
Gordon Edes took his crack at the annual “Manny’s got to go” article and submitted a decent piece, but then again it’s the same piece written year after year after year. The one enlightening thing about the article, this time around, is that the good teams who are trying to be great teams no a thing or two about chemistry and Manny randomly kills the chemistry when things go bad. It’s not the money. I’m convinced. If a team wanted a World Series trophy that badly, Manny’s $20 million salary wouldn’t even make them flinch, but killing chemistry can wreck a team mired in a slump, which is what Manny has done this season more than any other. Manny really does have a child’s mentality, because when it’s going good he’s your best friend, but when it goes bad he takes his toys and goes home. Perhaps he is so afraid of failure that his way of dealing with it is to shut down and make excuses; one’s that can allow him to say “Well I didn’t contribute to their losing”, but what he’s missing out on is the fact that by not play he most certainly is contributing to their losing. If you’re not buying that theory, maybe Manny really is a primadonna jackass who can’t follow along with the team concept of sacrifice for the greater good. Only Manny and most likely his teammates know.
So amidst all of the annual Manny trade rumors that are sure to heat up the second the first frost hits a cranberry bog, I propose Theo and co. do this. Do not by any stretch of the imagination trade him to a good team, or a soon to be good team. Here are the cities that are off limits. New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Oakland, Seattle, Chicago, San Diego, Denver, Philadelphia, Florida, Houston, Baltimore, Toronto, Tampa Bay, Cleveland, Detroit or Cincinnati. That’s a lot of teams and you’re right so let’s break it down and play “Where Should Manny Go?” or “WSMG?” for those who want bumper stickers or t-shirts.
Washington
Nothing says relief like MLB picking up his salary. Plus the Red Sox/Bud Selig conspiracy theories will find a new life of their own and won’t that be fun? Oh and by the way, Manny would die under Frank Robinson’s rule. You think he can get away with not hustling under Frank? Think again.
Pittsburgh
I have nothing against Pittsburgh, but Manny is punished for the remainder of his contract by playing for a perennial high draft slot contender and he gets a fancy Terrible Towel to shower with.
Milwaukee
I truly want the Brewers to succeed, but nothing would make me happier than to see Manny stuck in Milwaukee. Nothing against Milwaukee, but I don’t think it’s Manny’s cup of tea. Well Manny you said you wanted some privacy.
Texas
By June Manny will be begging out of games due to the heat. Plus they can live with Manny, because he’s not A-Rod. At least he’s not A-Rod is a perfect line for Theo to toss John Hart’s way.
Kansas City
I’m saving the best for last. The perfect combo of tier 2/3 city on the worst team of the last decade plus. It would be the perfect FU to somebody who has supposedly driven everyone nuts from the day he got here. Here’s hoping you can say Ambiorix Burgos. A few weeks in KC and you’ll hear the “I miss Boston” cries wafting from the Wal-Mart family fortune.
Josh Beckett
I’m very much on his bandwagon and his last 5 “meaningless” starts have all been good. I’m sorry, but it’s proven time and again that it takes at least one full season to adjust to the AL. Beckett gets it now. Throw strikes, because the hitters are better and more patient. Those strikes should come from other pitches besides my fastball. Listen to Varitek. He will be an ace and his ego will drive him to be better. He tastes the good life. All he has to do is look at how everyone treats Schilling to understand.
Coco Crisp
I don’t understand the venom being tossed in his direction. He’s played with a broken finger all season long. Last time I checked it’s a tad difficult to hit, catch and throw with broken fingers. We know what he’s capable of doing when healthy. We’ve seen it and I think everyone’s negative attitude is unwarranted. One person makes one Edgar Renteria comparison, which is absolutely false, and everyone jumps on the Hate Coco bandwagon. He’s not Johnny Damon, but Johnny Damon wasn’t even Johnny Damon until about 2 years ago. Trading Coco, even for Tori Hunter, will be a big mistake. Now if they can get Tori and keep Coco, this team would be pretty damn good.
Craig Hansen
Why hasn’t anybody, including the RemDawg, mentioned a thing about his new pitching mechanics? Am I the only one who see what happened to him? This is the single biggest reason why he has been so ineffective. Last year he had a bit of a fly open style of throwing, but his fastball consistently traveled in excess of 97 mph and his slider had more movement than John Travolta’s career. Why did they try to give him a compact delivery? Have they noticed his fastball doesn’t break 93mph now? That’s an average fastball from a power pitcher. They better fix him fast, because he’s 12 months removed from college and has a tremendous amount of potential.
Roger Clemens
Do not string us along until Spring Training. Make up your mind by November or December and then go away or show up to play. I’m tired of reading the scenarios. I want it to be over.
Management
Get your house in order and stop trading away so many promising young players. I still cannot believe San Diego snookered you out of two young players for a guy who can’t hit above .200 and has nobody to catch. Most importantly, fix that bullpen. Keep Papelbon and have six blank slots for six really good pitchers. While you’re at it, please fill two holes on the bench; a home run swatting pinch-hitting specialist and a guy with wheels who can run.
David Murphy
Forget WiMo and Trot in RF, because this kid looks like a baseball player. Sure he needs to add a few pounds, but he has baseball instincts and athletic ability. That goes a long way in a sport when big fat guys can hit 50 home runs. When I first saw Nomar in college I said “he’s the next great player for the Sox” and I never said it again until I saw Papelbon. I’m not saying Murphy has that high level All-Star look about him, but I think he’s going to win over a lot of fans and in all likelihood if management stick to status quo those fans will be in Minnesota or Texas.
Papelbon
A pleasure to watch do his job. A rookie who has an act and can already intimidate many a batter. Thanks for being a major bright spot this season.
Big Papi
Watching you hit never gets old. Watching you hit walk-offs, in person, is pure ecstasy. It stinks that the forces that be chose this season to be your best only to rip apart your team and conclude your team’s season in July. I was there for #50 and I hadn’t felt that kind of joy at the ballpark since 2004. You’re one of a kind and soon I’ll be able to tell my baby girl all about you. That’s special.
Jon Lester
I’m praying for your comeback and praying hard. What you’re going through, at such a young age, is terribly unfair but something you need to fight and eventually will beat. I believe things happen for a reason and when you’re healthy and decide to come back you are going to be a really good pitcher. I can feel it. Your head will be right. Your poise will be in check and you’ll have a constant reminder of what beating the odds is. You’re a talented kid and ohhh what a comeback story you will write. I just hope I’m there to give you a standing-O in person, because your light will shine and make us all forget what a dark season this turned out to be.
