It’s opening day at Fenway and I need to get something off of my chest.  I was reading the Playboy 2006 Baseball Preview, which I do every year, and I’m convinced that they have no idea what they’re talking about.  I swear Mrs. Giro is giving them tips for picking “winners”.  This being the woman who makes her football picks based on what city she would rather visit, which means she picked against Indy every game last year.  I can’t blame her for that one though.  For a men’s magazine their sports related season previews tend to target the guy who goes to a couple of games a year and says things like “I’ve been to a few games at Fenway the past couple of seasons and I have yet to see Pedro pitch” and for that I implore that Playboy just give up.  Please just stick to Seymour Hirsch conspiracy theory articles and picture collages of David Spade attending every Playboy party on the face of the planet.

Here are a few things I picked up while reading The View.  I’m calling it this, because it was written by Tracy Ringolsby who is nicknamed “The Cowboy”.  Though Tracy is a male I think he's catering to the female and the quasi-male fams.  Not to beat this into the ground anymore than the world, myself included, has but I bet “The Cowboy” writes from the confines of Chokeback Fountain. 

Cowboy Tracy obviously ditched his trusty steed in favor of riding the Blue Jays bandwagon.  Like many, he’s picked them for second place in the AL East, while he has the Red Sox finishing third.  That’s fine and I’m sure those writers will be eating some tasty crow stew by late July, but he said a couple of things that have me convinced that somebody in his professional position has no more of a clue than I do when I say things like “Any team that plays in Miller High Life Park has got to have a fighting chance” when picking the Brewers for second place in the NL Central.  Actually, I think my logic is more scientific.  Cowboy Tracy goes onto say that the Blue Jays “found the pitching they needed” by giving AJ Burnett $55 million “who has 49 career wins in 7 seasons.”  That’s 7 wins per season folks.  Do you know that Greg Maddux had 107 wins after 7 full seasons, while 6 of those were with the hapless Cubs?  How about reaching a little and hoping AJ wins 14 games this season and not declaring him the second coming of Dave Steib?

Cowboy Tracy, trying to be the logical salesman he is, puts down this doozy about the Red Sox acquisition of Josh Beckett.  “but as good as his scouting reports may be, Josh Beckett has yet to prove he is durable enough to be a quality starter…”  I’m not upset, because he’s actually correct with his comment.  I’m upset that he refused to use the same question to “evaluate” Burnett.  This is the same Burnett who has started this season on the DL.  Remember, the guy who has won 7 games per season?  Way to go Cowboy Tracy.  Don’t get hurt when the bandwagon comes under attack and everybody starts jumping off.

Not that I want to pick on Cowboy Tracy anymore, but he is asking for it with his choice of the Cubs winning the NLCS.  He has Oakland winning it all, but I won't touch it due to it being another easy target.  I know he wanted to be different, but Cowboy Tracy should have just picked the Rockies or the Marlins using the zero logic approach.  Why do people keep wishing and praying and hoping for a healthy Prior and Wood?  It’s never going to happen for them in Chicago.  Sure, if you trade them they’ll set the world on fire for their new team, win 20 games and make it to the playoffs all the while crushing the souls of a loyal and happy go lucky drunken Cubs Nation, but after all this time it’s not going to happen in Wrigleyville.  I think that thin Rocky Mountain air has Cowboy Curtis a few pennies short of a dime.

Have fun today everyone.  I hope to see David Ortiz swimming in his huge piles of cash like Scrooge McDuck from Ducktails.