Some random thoughts while basking in the Gillette Fusion experience.

This has nothing to do with baseball, but people need to hear about this thing prior to taking out a home equity line of credit to pay for the blades.  If you haven’t seen the “Fusion is coming 2/5” ads on the tele or the displays in your local CVS Gillette, the world’s leading razor supplier, is launching a new razor under a new brand.  Did anybody think they could top the electrocution effects of the M3 Power razor?  Well I’m not sure they topped it but they certainly built a monster.  The Fusion has five blades.  That’s one, two, three, four, fiiiiive!  It’s outrageous.  I thought Schick was crazy with four.  Now we have this leviathan.  It’s the Hummer of the razor world.  How do I know this?  Well since I live within a mile of the World Shaving Headquarters I’m sure I was on the top of their list to send a sample.  I’ve been using it for a week.  It’s great on the wide-open spaces on your face, but the thing is just too big for the curves, nooks and crannies.  I’ve got long whiskers coming out of the corners of my mouth.  I look like a deranged cat.  At the same time the thing weighs a ton.  Who would have thought weight would factor into shaving, but I’m serious when I say I get shavers fatigue towards the end of the shave.  It feels nice.  There is definitely less razor burn, but in all honesty stick with the Mach 3 Turbo Fuel Injected whatever they call it these days.  Go on and keep shelling out your $8 for the 4 pack, because the Hummer/Fusion comes in at $13 a 4pack.  After ten 4 pack purchases you might as well go with electrolysis.  I wonder if Johnny Damon is using one to keep his face clean in the Bronx Zoo. 

Looks like we have a shortstop.  Gonzalez is a steady defensive player.  He’s suspect at the plate, but I’ll live as long as he is flawless at the #6 position.  Plus, he’s signed for a year at $3 mil.  Short money for the deep pockets at 4 Yawkey Way.

Ladies.  You can breathe again.  Gabe “The Ass” Kapler got a spring training invite.  If he plays well then he’ll likely be the fourth outfielder.  I call Gabe “The Ass” not because he is one, but rather it’s what my wife and sister ogle when we sit in the bleachers.  They feel like they have a deep connection with his ass.  Think I have a complex?  I just grabbed my Mom’s Buns of Steel tapes and popped them in the VCR I don’t have.  

Bill Simmons helped me through the Coco Crisp trade.  I was really upset when my man crush, Andy Marte, was traded but Bill convinced me that since we only had the rights to Marte for seven weeks that it was honestly lust instead of love.  I’ve heard Coco is such a fine citizen and great teammate that I’m sure Peter Gammons will label him one of the five greatest human beings to live east of Storrow Drive.

Can Frank McCourt trade his waterfront parcel of land in South Boston for Pedro Martinez?  I really want to see what Grady Little does with Pedro a second time around.  He’ll have him on a 50 pitch count.  Omar Minaya could use the money and I’m sure that land is worth at least $250 mil.

My underdog for the World Baseball Classic?  Team Italy baby!  Piazza, Mirabelli, Delluci.  How can you not love these guys?  Plus, I hear that John Franco “American” might be pulled out of retirement to pitch to one batter.

One more World Baseball Classic.  Have you seen the hats?  Some teams looks like they had a nine year old budding designer come up with the logos.  Team USA’s hat seems fit for the folks who visit the monster truck and tractor pull.  The only nice ones are Panama and Mexico, but at $35 a pop I think I’d save that for 6 Fenway beers on opening day.

Lastly, Nomar at first base?  He’s 5’9”!  Kevin Youkilis at least tops 6’.  Bill Mueller is a great third baseman but he was saved a lot by scoops and leaps for high throws.  I hope Nomar is using his Strength Shoes to improve the vertical leap.