I’m 31 years old.  I eat oatmeal for breakfast because the people at Quaker tell me it’s good for my heart.  Little do they know that I don’t even buy their brand, but I used to eat it all the time.  Instant Peaches & Cream was my choice as a teenager and then I matured with the luscious Maple & Brown Sugar as an “adult”.  Sugary cereal?  Sure, I have eaten my fair share, but I never had any loyalty.  I’d go through phases.  There were so many.  Fruity Pebbles.  Golden Grahams.  Trix.  Anything with dried marshmallows (Lucky Charms, Booberry, etc.) was always forced.  It’s as if I thought it would get better the next time I try it.  It’s the same way I felt about Cocoa Krispies.  The delicious chocolatey taste was more cardboard than the sweet confectionary goodness I was used to while downing a Twix. 

All this reminiscing is supposed to put me in a good mood, but why am I not feeling great about the Coco Crisp deal?  I should.  The logical side of my brain tells me that Damon was too expensive.  I always cringed at that little league right fielder level arm plus he just hasn’t been the same since the Damian Jackson collision in 2003.  It’s that tentative behavior that had him more focused on manicures than getting dirty last season.  This potential transaction fits my personal philosophy of what the Sox should do.  Surround the veteran superstars with young and hungry kids.  I always hated how the Sox would round teams out with B/C level bench players who had egos the size of Kamala The Ugandan Giant and felt they should be in an everyday role.  You remember them.  The Mike Lansing’s, Jim Leyritz’s and Kevin Millar’s of the world.  For every Mike Stanley and Dave Roberts you get 10 of those guys.  It was all too much drama for my book.  I’m really enthused that all of a sudden we have three potential super stud pitchers in Papelbon, Delcarmen and Hansen with Lester not far behind.  Heck, I’m driving the Pabelbon bandwagon until the wheels fall off.  I love that kid.  Pedroia might be the second basemen of the future.  That’s a lot of young talent to compliment Tek, Schill, Papi, Manny and the rest of the veteran core players.  It makes you downright giddy when you think about what could happen over the next few years.

Coco.  26 years old.  Ready to enter the prime of his career and he comes cheap by today’s baseball standards.  Did you ever think that $3 million/year would ever be considered cheap?  Sign me up for some of that cheapness please.  Aside from the catcher and shortstop there is no more important position on the filed than a center fielder.  Having one who is fleet of foot and can cover a lot of ground, especially with the Speed Demons on either side, is doubly important.  I truly believe that saving runs and keeping pitchers in the game is always helpful over the course of a season and the playoffs.  Again, why don’t I feel good about this?  Here’s my problem.  It has nothing to do with Coco.  It has to do with my fantasy man crush on prolific third basemen.  I think the problem is that it’s the one position, in my lifetime, that the Sox haven’t placed much value on.  My first memory is of Carney Lansford and then Boggs.  Both were great although Carney never really shined until he got to Oakland.  Then there were years of characters from the defunct Saturday morning cartoon, The Forgettables, and fortunately Bill “Our Scott Brosius” Mueller came along and gave us three fabulous years.  Mueller is my kind of guy.  Quiet.  Plays hard.  Great defensively and a tough out.  Of course the proverbial knee problems became permanent house guests as he got older and it made sense to go with a youth movement.  No offense to Bill, but he was never the guy I always fantasized about.  I’ll admit, in-between all of my dreams of swimming in clear ocean waters with Elle MacPherson I snuck in some time for an unknown All Star third basemen.  Where was my Mike Schmidt, George Brett and Buddy Bell?  I was always jealous that I never had one.  It was the boy equivalent of my sister never getting Barbie’s Dream House.  As a result she renounced Santa Claus as a fraud for not delivering her dream.  For me, I still have faith that the big hulking Superman from the hot corner will be mine someday.  I even get weepy when I see the Rolen’s (The one not on the DL all the time) and Chipper Jones’(The one not playing left field) of the world.  You would think I could find one on Match.com.

The team indirectly admits that they made a mistake with Renteria.  I liked Edgar, but I can see that a horse with so many miles on it will not do well in a racetrack environment like Boston.  Sending him to Atlanta, where they can’t even sell out playoff games, was the best thing for him.  No pressure and there is a Café tu tu Tango in Buckhead AKA the most overrated place in the country.  However they land this prized prospect of a third basemen and I’m downright giddy.  He has hype.  He’s Dominican.  He has pop in his bat.  He’s not going to be 23 until October.  He’s got future All Star written all over him.  I’m salivating over this.  I mean I’m drooling like my Boxer when you hold a treat in front of her.  So what does management do?  They use him as a bargaining chip in a trade for a young center fielder who my gut tells me is never going to be an All Star.  He’s just going to be a good player.  There is nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t make me do a dance in the middle of my kitchen while singing “Shimmy shimmy Coco Pop.  Shimmy shimmy rock!”   Combine this with the fact that the two most dominant franchises of the last 15 years (The Braves and Yankees) were successful due to building a core of superstars from within and it pains me to see this guy go.

Something tells me that Andy Marte is going to be my next Mark Teixeria.  I cringe every time I see him play.  In case you don’t know, Teixeria was a Red Sox draft pick in 1998.  Why isn’t he playing with us?  Did we trade him?  Nope.  Dan Duquette couldn’t sign him.  What?????  All the controversy about finding a first baseman could have been solved for years by putting pen to paper.  The team hasn’t had a first base prospect that good since Cecil Cooper.  Name the current players on the Red Sox who were drafted by Duquette.  You can’t can you.  That’s what is so painful about this trade.  I believe the current regime may be making a similar mistake.  We signed Bronson on the cheap and we have an overflow in the pitching department (Yes, I understand he may be insurance if any of the medical risks go down).  The Indians lost Millwood.  Don’t they need a decent pitcher in return, who is young and can eat up innings?  Why isn’t Bronson the lead player in this deal?  Heck, I’d offer Pedroia as well.  Belliard isn’t lighting the world on fire over there.  Why not take on a kid who is one year away to play middle infield?  But who am I but a fan?  I’ll admit that I am making my point from afar.  I’m also not in on the 756,000 calls that the teams have made with each other.  By the way, are Ben and Jed gossiping with Mark Shapiro about who the cutest umpire is at this point?  Have they run out of things to talk about.  “OMG guys, Bruce Froemming is sooooo hot.  Mmmm I’ll wrap that up in my fajita and add salsa.”  On top of that do we call the Co-GM’s Bedifer now?  Ben and Jed.  It’s too easy.  Wait a second.  This is all coming together now.  This trade may be their Gigli.  Oh please stop this train before it derails.
 
Do me a favor.  Go get Jeremy Reed from Seattle.  He had 3 errors all of last year with over 100 more attempts than Coco last season and ended up with a .992 fielding percentage.  Coco played 10 games in center field (I hate forced position switches) and had a .987 fielding percentage in left field (a much easier position) and was .955 in center field.  The bats aren’t drastically different and best of all Reed is 24.  He’s even cheaper than Coco.  Rethink this one boys.  I don’t care if the fans and media are whining and teasing you about having nobody to play the two most important positions on the field.  Do the right thing and give up less for what could be more.  If anything, make my dream come true.  I’m not feeling all warm and fuzzy over this cup of Coco?  For me, I’ll stick with Swiss Miss and her real marshmallows.  She makes for a better fantasy anyway.